Hallo ohnerauchen-Gemeinde!

Bin gerade am Aufräumen. Dabei ist mir folgender Text in die Hände geraten. Er ist zwar alt aber immer noch witzig, deshalb möchte ich ihn Euch nicht vorenthalten (ich hab jedenfalls hier und da nochmal kräftig lachen müssen)

Greet God!

I write you, because you must help me. I have seen your Space Shuttle in the television. In colour. And so came me the idea to make holidays in the world-room. Alone. Without my crazy wife. I am the Kraxlhuber. The King of Bavaria was my clock-clock-grandfather. I stand on a very bad foot with my wife. Always she shouts with me. She has a shrill voice like a circle saw. She lots no good hair on me. She says I am a Schlapp-tail. She wants that I become Bürger-master. But I want not be Bürg'er-master. I have nothing on the hat with the political shit.
I WANT MY RUAH! And so I want make holidays on the moon. Without may bad half. But I take my dog with me. He is a Börnhardayner! His name is Wurschtl. So I want book a flight in your next Space Shuttle. But please give me not a Windows place. I would kotz you the rocket füll, because I am not swindle-free. And no standing-place please.
And please do not teil my wife that I want go alone. She has a big Schrotgun. She would make a sieve from my ass. I need not much comfort. A nice double room with bath an Koo and heating. And Windows with look to the earth. So I can look through my far-glass and are my wife working on the potatoo field. And I and my dog laugh us a branch (hähä). We will kringel ourself before laughing (höhöhöhöhöhö)! Is what loose on the moon? I need worm weather an I hope the sun shines every day. This is very good for my frost-boile. I need not much. A good bread-time, a good Hax'n and a Mass beer. Before I forgott itt - you could leas me ja vielleicht au no a car! This is poison for my sailing-ears. Have they chew-tabacco on the moon? If not, I bring itt with. Is in the rocket place for my drive wheel? Teil the man of the moon that I come.I hope he has no wife. We can make bring him the Bavaria national hymn bei. We can make tobacco chewing. We can drink a lot of hop-blossom-tea. I hope he is no Preiß!!! We can spuck around the bot. We can make frnger-hacklmg. I bring the Bavarian flag with and we can dance shoeplattler around it. Have they rnany flies on the moon? If yes, I bring my weather-frog with. I want make faif weeks holidays. When you have no new rocket after the faif weeks, I wait for the next rain-band an drive with my Radi. Please make me a good price - under good friends. I cannot pay so peppered prices because my pocket money is not so much. Send your answer to my neighbour Wastl Hintermoser. I have the honour.

Your Alois Kraxlhuber

P.S: Don't fly when is full-moon. My dog, thisbig-Bazi, become always epileptic and makes so much noise.